MR. MOFIZ
Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Mr. Mofiz : 14th October
Which year?
Mr. Mofiz : EVERY YEAR
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Manager asked Mr. Mofiz at an interview
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Mr. Mofiz replyed : -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.
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After returning back from a foreign trip, Mr. Mofiz asked his wife ,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Mr. Mofiz : In London a lady asked me "Are you a foreigner?"
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One tourist from U.S.A. asked Mr. Mofiz " Any great man born in this
village???"
Mr. Mofiz : no sir, only small Babies!!!
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In the university, lecturer asked to write a note on "Buddha Jayanthi "
So Mr. Mofiz writes, "Buddha was born in India & was a great
Philosopher , but I don't know who is Jayanthi .
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Mr . Mofiz was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one
leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second
leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and
did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But
cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly Mr. Mofiz said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's
four legs, it becomes deaf.
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On a political rally Mr. Mofiz was arrested.
Why???
A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it ..
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When Mr. Mofiz was traveling with his wife in a three wheeler, the
driver adjusted mirror.
Mr. Mofiz shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will
drive.
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Interviewer : just imagine your in 3rd floor, it caught fire and how
will you escape?
Mr. Mofiz : its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!
Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.
As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.
"The bottle has a hole in it!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.
"And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
The loss of engines
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the captain announced "One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don't worry we have three engines left".
Thirty minutes later, the captain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don't worry we have two engines left".
An hour later the capain announced "One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don't worry we have one engine left".
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day"
Wise thoughts on everything
1. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
2. Life is sexually transmitted.
3. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
4. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection make him a sandwich. 5. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like Slinkies... not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...
7. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing...
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
11 Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
Automatic e-mail reply messages
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management.
5. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.
8. I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
9. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
10. Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
11. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
12. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
13. I've run away to join a different circus.
14. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve."
Sorry for eating the peanuts
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he's absentmindedly finished the entire bowl. "I'm so sorry, auntie, I've eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That's okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I've sucked the chocolate off, I don't care for them anyway."
Joke but real life
An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem Science has with God, The Almighty.
He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fellow. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good ?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God.. .
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Prof: So who created evil?
(Student does not answer. )
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them?
( Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him ?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events .)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat,
But we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre .)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student: You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't.
If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavour, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class is in uproar .)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room is silent . The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable. )
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH .
That is all that keeps things moving & alive....... ......... ..
Together At Last
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
A Boy & A Girl in restaurant
Girl :- I told u. No no & no
Boy :- Waiter, bring separate bills.
Girl :- ok ok....... I Love u too......... . !
*******
mehedy mizan <mehedym@gmail. com> wrote:
i do not agree women are behind men on 1 reason. men have 3 legs 2 legs to walk on the earth and one leg to walk on women. women can not match that. men can go arround waring only 1 underware. other men have no prob with that but women can not do that.
***Note: If you think of more reasons than the ones listed below on why Women are superior, then please feel to post in the comments.
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We got off the Titanic first.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
Taxi's stop for us.
Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
We know the Truth about whether or not size matters.
If we're not making enough money we can blame it on the glass ceiling.
It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the male's Speedo.
We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
We never have to wonder if his orgasm was real.
If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
We can congratulate our teammate without ever grabbing her ass.
If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
We have the ability to dress ourselves.
Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
We know that there are times when chocolate really can solve all of your problems.
Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
We'll never regret piercing our ears.
We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
